818: a red stream of thought
TW: Violence, blood, murder, unholy mothers, etc.
Dare to scroll
I’ve spent months with this script and finally decided to take a break from writing. I’m exhausted and the words just won’t come. And no tea or meditation will allow them to resurface.
With my pages blank I dive deeper into my research around maternal horror films. I don’t feel like I understand enough behind the motives of the mothers who kill, seek revenge, or plainly want to hurt. Maybe I’m unmotivated by the motive of the mother in my script. Unmotivated or afraid to let the river take me to places where I must confront my fears?
What do I fear most about her?
Mothers who want more than their children terrify the shit out of people. But rather than understand why they are scary I want to explore their desires and the agency they take to get what they want. Even if that means murder.
As I study Possession (Żuławski, 1981) over and over again, watching her dance and twitch across the city of Berlin, I wonder if she is unhinged or has she found her clearing? This fragile space of emotional “unalignment” is filled with her husband’s insecurities rather than the possession of her own desires.
This film has led me to research cases of postpartum psychosis in infanticide.
That’s where I’m at right now.
Enjoy my red stream of thoughts as I continue down the wet bloody, merciless rabbit hole.
I leave you here, much like my script, unfinished.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and brilliance throughout all the work you’ve shared about your 818 process!