Note to self: Drunk dialing is not a good idea. Note to self: Whenever it seems like a good idea to send a sexy/funny picture of myself without a shirt – don’t do it. Note to self: When I feel angry don’t post the angry message on Facebook because, duh, people can read it. Note to self: Even if I am at the gym working out and I look hot in a towel and nothing else – don’t IM it, tweet it or FB it to anyone. Note to self: If I think a really crude joke is funny and I am ever in elected office somehow, I should remember to just keep it to myself. Note to self: If I get really pissed off at someone and send them an email or text, they can save it and use it against me later if they want – it doesn’t ever go away – it becomes part of the archive. Note to self: Deceit has ways of sticking around so I should not be deceitful. Note to self: I feel so close but really I am so far. Note to self: Not everyone thinks I am funny. Note to self: Not everyone thinks I am hella cute. Note to self: My cell phone location data can be subpoenaed by the police any time they want and probably in secret because of the Patriot Act. Note to self: My FASTRAK data from crossing the Golden Gate Bridge & wherever else I go can be used in court by mean attorneys. Note to self: My credit card and debit card data can paint a more realistic picture of me than Kehinde Wiley can. Note to self: Ebay and Paypal have no problems giving the police a list of all the crazy and impulsive stuff I buy
through them – even my lock picking set, even my Russian Pulsar Phantom night vision riflescope, and even my used copy of the Anarchist Cookbook. Note to self: If asked nicely (and I am guessing, for a fee) AT&T, Verizon, Sprint, Virgin Mobile, etc. will all gladly turn over all of my phone logs and transaction information to the police or mean lawyers. Note to self: Be nice to people because you never know if they are holding irrational grudges against me. Note to self: Don’t be too nice or people will think I am fake and will hold irrational grudges against me. Note to self: If Vito Acconci made his 1969 Following piece today it might be illegal. Note to self: If I copied what Sophie Calle did in her 1980 performance piece Suite Vénitienne I would most likely be arrested for stalking but if the police do it, even without a warrant, it’s called surveillance. Note to self: If I ever get married and then get divorced, all the crazy shit – public sex, accusations, outright lies, the good the bad and the feckless will all be a matter of public record just like it was for Jack Ryan. Note to self: Privacy policies tell in exquisite detail how little privacy you have. Note to self: They should call them Lack of Privacy notices. Note to self: My boss has the right to secretly record every keystroke on my work computer. Note to self: My boss has the right to make secret video recordings of me while I am at work. Not sure about in the bathroom though. Note to self: Research whether or not my boss can secretly make video recordings of me in the bathroom. Note to self: Freedom of speech is not universal even though it seems like it is. Note to self: Remind myself daily that the internet is a broadcasting medium not my private diary. Note to self: Most everything I say and do and all of my recorded transactions are potential evidence just like they demonstrate in all my favorite crime dramas including: CSI: NY, CSI: Miami, CSI: Las Vegas, 24, Law and Order, Criminal Minds, Bones, Dexter, Burn Notice, and Prison Break. Note to self: Write poem about world ending with a whimper.