NOTE TO SELF: OMG! There Is No Privacy!

June 17, 2011  |  By
Filed under: Back Page

Cell phone picture sent by New York Congressman, Anthony Weiner, who resigned yesterday.

 

Note to self: Drunk dialing is not a good idea.  Note to self: Whenever it seems like a good idea to send a sexy/funny picture of myself without a shirt – don’t do it. Note to self: When I feel angry don’t post the angry message on Facebook because, duh, people can read it. Note to self: Even if I am at the gym working out and I look hot in a towel and nothing else – don’t IM it, tweet it or FB it to anyone. Note to self: If I think a really crude joke is funny and I am ever in elected office somehow, I should remember to just keep it to myself. Note to self: If I get really pissed off at someone and send them an email or text, they can save it and use it against me later if they want – it doesn’t ever go away – it becomes part of the archive. Note to self: Deceit has ways of sticking around so I should not be deceitful. Note to self: I feel so close but really I am so far. Note to self: Not everyone thinks I am funny. Note to self: Not everyone thinks I am hella cute. Note to self: My cell phone location data can be subpoenaed by the police any time they want and probably in secret because of the Patriot Act. Note to self: My FASTRAK data from crossing the Golden Gate Bridge & wherever else I go can be used in court by mean attorneys. Note to self: My credit card and debit card data can paint a more realistic picture of me than Kehinde Wiley can. Note to self: Ebay and Paypal have no problems giving the police a list of all the crazy and impulsive stuff I buy

The cell phone picture that ended Anthony Weiner’s career.

through them – even my lock picking set, even my Russian Pulsar Phantom night vision riflescope, and even my used copy of  the Anarchist Cookbook. Note to self: If asked nicely (and I am guessing, for a fee) AT&T, Verizon, Sprint, Virgin Mobile, etc. will all gladly turn over all of my phone logs and transaction information to the police or mean lawyers. Note to self: Be nice to people because you never know if they are holding irrational grudges against me. Note to self: Don’t be too nice or people will think I am fake and will hold irrational grudges against me. Note to self: If Vito Acconci made his 1969 Following piece today it might be illegal. Note to self: If I copied what Sophie Calle did in her 1980 performance piece Suite Vénitienne I would most likely be arrested for stalking but if the police do it, even without a warrant, it’s called surveillance. Note to self: If I ever get married and then get divorced, all the crazy shit – public sex, accusations, outright lies, the good the bad and the feckless will all be a matter of public record just like it was for Jack Ryan. Note to self: Privacy policies tell in exquisite detail how little privacy you have. Note to self: They should call them Lack of Privacy notices. Note to self: My boss has the right to secretly record every keystroke on my work computer. Note to self: My boss has the right to make secret video recordings of me while I am at work. Not sure about in the bathroom though. Note to self: Research whether or not my boss can secretly make video recordings of me in the bathroom. Note to self: Freedom of speech is not universal even though it seems like it is. Note to self: Remind myself daily that the internet is a broadcasting medium not my private diary. Note to self: Most everything I say and do and all of my recorded transactions are potential evidence just like they demonstrate in all my favorite crime dramas including: CSI: NY, CSI: Miami, CSI: Las Vegas, 24, Law and Order, Criminal Minds, Bones, Dexter, Burn Notice, and Prison Break. Note to self: Write poem about world ending with a whimper.

9 Comments

  1. Sarah Says:

    Amazing. Oh no… now they will see this!! Note to self: Lose the opinion.

  2. Kevin Says:

    That was great!
    This part sums up the last week for me personally, and I laughed as I read it:
    Note to self: Be nice to people because you never know if they are holding irrational grudges against me. Note to self: Don’t be too nice or people will think I am fake and will hold irrational grudges against me.

  3. Carol Putman Says:

    Note To Self: “Shit” is a rather crude expression for excrement.

  4. Alex Says:

    @carol putman
    ‘shit, is another word for useless stuff – in context, ‘crazy shit’, he explains in the text.

  5. Chris Cobb Says:

    Hello Carol,
    I apologize if the term “crazy shit” offended you or anyone else. In this context I think it makes perfect sense that I am not referring to literal shit but rather using shit as a slang term to denote a negative reflection on the things following the term. it is also in keeping with the nature of the short hand native vernacular in a lot of text messages, etc. And Alex, thanks for clarifying for Carol.

  6. ADQ Says:

    Really enjoyed that. Thank you. Note to self: humor is an effective social balm.

  7. Carol Putman Says:

    It’s still crude! You obviouslly have the vocabulary to use a word that requires a bit more thought.

  8. Carol Putman Says:

    P. S. It didn’t offend me by the way. I use it a lot myself when I’m angry.

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